SHUTTING DOWN THE DOORS (For Now)

Fortunately, things got kinda real and it looks like I'm going to have to close COTP operations temporarily.  BUT, I would gladly redirect you to where my musings are falling these days

College Football and College Basketball at Buster Sports

NBA Column "Weakside Coverage With Chip Patterson" at the Hoop Doctors

Mavs - Spurs Rivalry

Rob Mahoney of The Two Man Game and Hardwood Paroxysm made this video reflecting upon the Spurs-Mavs rivalry, specifically Dirk/Timmy.  It contains Friday Night Light-esque music, altering speeds of film, and lots of high fives and post-bucket reactions.

The funny thing?  None of those are digs.  He made a follower out of me and so I will share the love with you.  Basketball nerds love the Spurs/Mavs matchup, and that is why I get chills watching this video.

JJ Reddick Doesn't Suck So Bad

I hate JJ Reddick.  It's in my blood, it's part of my homerism, and I'll take that to my grave.  But he gets a good ol' fashioned +1000 in my book for this quote digging at LeBron.

[from Official Website]
``We’re a small market, so we’re going to get less attention. Plus, we don’t have LeBron. Seriously, if the guy (James) said tomorrow that he was going to run for President, (CNN’s) Anderson Cooper would be on SportsCenter for 30 minutes talking about why he’d make a good president.’’ 


So regardless of the rumors I have spread about you making out with dudes for money or the number of times in college I witnessed people toss entire cups of beer at your forehead or slap you in the face; I'd give you a fist bump next time I saw you for this one.  Witty, timely, and good delivery.  Now please go back to making out with dudes for money.

A Thin Thursday Awaits Us

After a busy Wednesday that included 11 games overlapping at one time (thank you, League Pass Gods) tonight has thin prospects.  At least it's Thursday which means an evening with Kenny and Charles, and certainly another "Jet and Sir Charles' Greatest Hit" for tomorrow. 

(all times eastern)
Phoenix at New Orleans, 8 PM TNT
Yesterday, the Hornets previewed their new Mardis Gras Jerseys they will wear in February.  So tonight, David West will be flashing Amar'e instead of playing defense.  After studying film though, I have concluded that David West flashing man boobs is actually more productive than the Mt. Rushmore-esque falsification of defense we usually see.  Suns won a week ago by 20 when the Hornets had CP3.  Suns -8.

Jazz at Spurs, 8:30 PM NBALP
If the first eighth of the season is sign for the future, it will take a medical miracle to put the Spurs in the Western Conference Finals.  Getting Parker, Ginobli, and Duncan healthy at the same time is proving to be a monumentally difficult task.  I suggest you kidnap that Phoenix training staff, do it like in the old movies.  Where the scientist gets kidnapped to make the bomb, the super hero gets the note from the scientists daughter asking for help.  Anyway.  Both teams are on the end of back-to-back (normally a huge red flag to bet against the Spurs), and even though the line is moving south with Ginobli's injury.  I'm still taking Jazz +5


Bulls at Lakers, 10:30 TNT
The Bulls, formerly one of the most potent offenses in the league, now brings their 89 ppg average into the Staples Center to play the Lakers on the evening of Pau's return?  Chicago's bigs have been impressive since March, but I do not expect that they will be prepared to handle a completely healthy Lakers team inside.  I expect to see a good amount of Josh Powell and maybe even some Adam Morrison in this one.  Lakers -9

Also, Ahmad Rashad's Birthday Is Today 
(via NBA Off Season)

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This Guy Definitely Went To Dook

  


(HT: TalkHoops.net )


This is the type of action that triggers my assumption of a Dook fan. You have put so much thought into how you are going to affect the game, you forgot how to enjoy the game. I'm convinced that 99.9 percent of the Cameron Crazies don't even really understand basketball, they just read what's on their cheer sheet. Congrats dude,you didn't change the game - you just made yourself look like a inconsiderate douche.

Dogs Nap On Oden, Naps On Blazers

Lawson Wow's. On and Off The Court

You Know Things Are Bad When...

... Will Bynum gets THIS nasty. 

Table-topping is still awesome.

A lot of times girls get really annoyed that my friends still table top people.  Now we can honestly say - "The Celtics do it!"  If they try and counter with something like "hey - you are still immature."  Then I'll be forced to say "Hey, here's a gym membership - put it to use"

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Oklahoma City Thunder

You, Me, and Three Friends --> Next Year's Halloween

I have a theory that you come up with the best Halloween costumes after Halloween.  So I am documenting this.  I call Larry. Who you got?

Danny Granger Ducking Press Like He Owes Them $$$

Danny Granger has been turning in subpar performances for most of the season.  In a very juvenile "holy crap I owe my roomate money for bills" way he seems to be avoiding the issue with the press.

From The Indy Star:
A leader, the guy with the big contract, the face of the franchise, he sticks around after a lousy game and does his best to explain what just happened. It doesn't matter if he doesn't have any answers for a 111-93 loss.

Listen Danny, when you are going to build your own Batcave in the offseason, you better be ready to catch some flack when you aren't providing your team with W's. (if you haven't already heard that story click here because Granger really is building a Batcave.)

So stop dodging the press, even Bruce Wayne would step and feed the press some bullshit.

Batman Granger practices his karate chop on kids.

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Chucky Is The Joker

"Chucky" Gruden decided to upgrade his Halloween villain alias in the booth with Tirico and Jaws before Monday Night Football in New Orleans.  This original get-up (you are a year late on the joke) fit his face in an eerily comfortable manner.

Go Get Him, Now

If you (or someone) hasn't already claimed Brandon Jennings in your fantasy league.  For the love of Pete n' Pete go and pick him up NOW.  The man who has seemingly snuck into the Association in Blake Griffin's shadow looks as though he is the Rookie that has the chance to have the biggest impact on his team. 

Additionally, Michael Redd will be missing the next two weeks so now Jennings is the 1, 2, and 3rd scorer on this Bucks team.  Thank god I got my early bird league pass order in on time.

SVG Must Really Dislike J.J. Redick..

...or someone in the front office does.  Every little bit of opportunity that J.J. has gotten he has shown why he was one of the most dominant college players of the 2000's.  Yet, the Magic continue to bring in (and play) other players at that exact same position.

Sunday, with Vince Carter sitting out resting his vagina ankle, Redick had 27 points on 5/8 from behind the arc and grabbed 6 rebounds.  Unfortunately, once VC gets healthy and Rashard Lewis finishes his suspension for juicing, Redick will most likely find his way back to the bench where he gets eye-fucked constantly by 16 year old dudes.

Probably jealous of JJ's "rap career"

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KD Speaking Truth

Don't be too modest KD, you are going to make people recognize. Already got you penciled in as scoring champ.  That's why you are the star of the most stud fantasy team around. "Chris Kaman Her Mouth" managed by yours truly.

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59

**Every now and then I shed my unbias and let my true colors show.  Welcome to the world of a tortured Bobcats fan**

59 points. 
59 points in 4 quarters.
At the end of Wednesday night, every team had scored more than 59 points in 3 quarters except 2 (who were close)
So if the Bobcats had played 3 quarters of any other team in the NBA, they still would have lost.  We knew that the Bobcats were going to be a team that relied on defense - Larry Brown has made no secret about that - but 59 points?

The team leader, Gerald Wallace, was the only player in double figures with 10 points.  The team as a whole shot 31 percent from the field.  The average +/- of the starting five was -24.

How did this team go from a few tough losses out of the playoffs to looking like one of the worst teams in the NBA.  I thought I was going to get my retribution in the Chandler/Okafor trade.  We dumped a giant contract and what I thought was an injury prone season waiting to happen on New Orleans and got an athletic, experienced winner fresh off a supposedly "successful" rehab.

Well guess what?  I think that Chandler might be too good for our point guards right now.  On more that one handful of occasions, I saw Chandler slip a screen and roll to the basket for one of his typical alley-oops that he used to catch from Chris Paul.  For whatever reason, whether it be that they couldn't see him, they aren't in rhythm yet, whatever.  Something has got to change.

Chandler played 20:34 and went 0-5 with 3 TO's. (Charlotte Observer)

Now, not all hope is lost.  A beatable Knicks team comes to the DVR Dome on Friday.  The only reason for concern is that the Knicks put up points.  It's just a fact that the Knicks will most likely score close to 100 points.  Which means that the Bobcats will have to double their output to win the game.  I trust that things will turn around though, because this is what the Bobcats do, as  Matt Moore said, the Bobcats are "Not dominant but dangerous."

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TY IS LAW (I <3 Nuggs Vol. II)

Tonight we get the Nuggs on National Television again, this time against Portland.  Which means hopefully George Karl will give some more minutes to man who dices zone defenses like vegetables.  Lawson proved last night that he can create his own shot as well as dish the ball and play lockdown D.  Go get you some Ty Law, Go get you some.




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I <3 The Nuggs Vol. I

Trust me, this will be the first of many, many posts.

SHEED FRO GALLERY

(most of these via @jeskeets via @jose3030)

Click The Link Below For More Fro-tastic Sheed Pics

There Is A Bigger Story Here

Not just the fact that Zach Randolph may be a sleeper, but the fact that Damon Stoudamire is an assistant coach - the same guy who was in the car with Sheed during the famous "We done smoked it all" traffic stop.

via The Baseline via The Commercial Appeal
"And as long as A.I. is injured, Zach is the leader of this team," assistant coach Damon Stoudamire said. "He's going to have to teach these guys the things that we taught him when we went to the playoffs in Portland. A lot of the things Zach gets a bad rap for haven't been basketball related."

Damon Stoudamire is coaching A.I.??? Whaaaaaat?  You hear that? That is me purchasing Bobcats-Grizzlies tickets. Right. Now.

Best part of the vid: Shaking John Starks around the 1:00 mark.

Yeah. So the Numa Numa Guy?

I witnessed Liquid Pleasure perform at halftime of the UNC-FSU choke-fest.  It was a little heartwarming to see 50+ year old robots sing and dance songs from Motowns glory days.  How their bodies are functioning after years of doing cocaine at deb parties throughout the South still amazes me.  But hey, it sure was better than this halftime show at Michigan State this weekend, courtesy of the Numa Numa Guy.

In case you forgot who the Numa Numa Guy Was



And now this sad "celebrity appearance" in East Lansing




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Step Aside Nate-Rob

Full post available on Buster Sports

Why We Love Kyle Orton...

...because he is an everyday man.
Because, as best we can tell, he drinks whiskey, isn't really the most in shape person, doesn't have a model girlfriend, and just plays football.

You don't see Kyle Orton on national advertising campaigns, he isn't considered "pretty enough."  Hell, you don't see Kyle Orton on local advertising campaigns.  Lovie Smith must not have known what to do with him, but Josh McDaniels sure seems to.


Last night, the Broncos sat in the shotgun all evening and gave Orton just enough time to make his reads and pick his way down the field 8-15 yards at a time.  It was video game football, it was fun to watch, and it was being done by a player who, as far as we can tell, does have flaws. 

So cheers to you Kyle Orton, you are the only elite Quarterback in 2009 that reminds the average young male of himself, and reminds us that you don't need to have a Brady face or a Manning charm to be successful.

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Rashad...Come on.

McCants can NOT be expecting this so soon.  Especially when pictures like this are still coming up.  You are a professional athlete, you can do better, trust me.

Because It's My Blog: I Can Be A Homer

Bobcats playoffs 2010? Anyone? Anyone?

BIG TALK FROM A BIG, BIGGER, AND BIGGEST MEN

As the season approaches, it is time for for players, coaches, and front office personnel to make their "claims" and "guarantees" for the seasons.  Here are some of the latest from around the Association. 


AL HARRINGTON - Guaranteed the Knicks would make the playoffs in 2010 speaking to Fanhouse at the release of NBA Live 2010.  I had to replay the interview a few times to make sure he had put his XBOX 360 sticks down and wasn't talking about the video game he was playing.  His goal of "keeping teams at or around 100" is not the defensive strategy of a playoff team. 

MARK CUBAN - and his chest are both claiming that the 2009-2010 Mavs are better than the 2006 Western Conference Champions.  "Not even close," Cuban said on 103.5 The Fan earlier today.  I agree with Cubes that the team is loaded with talent - and in 2006, this team would have been better than the 2006 Mavs.  Unfortunately, the aging Mavericks get grouped in with the Spurs and Suns in the category of "Window Closing Due to Age."  Good luck getting out of the West - Oh yeah, and you have to beat the Lakers.
 

SHAQ DIESEL - ""It's probably the best team I've ever played on, on paper anyway," O'Neal said Thursday. At least Shaq is willing to give qualifiers to his declaration.  The Cavs were the best team ON PAPER last year too.  That didn't stop them from showing up in the playoffs lamer than Stu Scott's right eye. They gotta show me something in May this year. 

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I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE REGULAR SEASON

Shannon Brown just played hop-scotch all over Mikki Moore.  The dunk was so nasty people were talking about it before the game was done.  The game still isn't done - here is first video find.



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RICK REILLY LICKED SOMETHING...

... needs to be his own ass.  I used to love Rick Reilly.  I used to love his introspective pieces in the back of Sports Illustrated and actually purchase his books. (not just look up synopsis on Wikipedia and call it a day)


Now he works for the Worldwide Eater of Sports and does a very cheesy and scripted show called Homecoming.  Needless to say, the fact he suffered this humility made me happy.  He said he would lick the Capitol dome if the Rockies made the playoffs. Open up and lick away - I hope you get Swine Flu you friggin sell out. (via 850 KOA AM)

OAKLAND PRISON BLUES

Head Coach Tom Cable is in trouble.  A lot of trouble.  His 1-3 Raider team has gone directly downhill after an impressive performance against the Chargers in Week 1.  

Since that game, the Raiders have only found the endzone once (Week 2 against the Chiefs) and his "franchise" quarterback is destroying defenses with his 42.4 QB Rating. 

Oh yeah and remember that "supposed" incident.  Well things are getting worse. (via Fanhouse)

The DA ultimately will determine whether criminal charges will be brought against Cable for allegedly attacking and fracturing the jaw of Raiders defensive assistant Randy Hanson during a training camp coaches' meeting on Aug. 5. 

Man, Coach - that sounds pretty bad.  How confident is the prosecution that they have proper evidence against you?

"Clear-cut evidence," said Hanson's San Francisco-based attorney John McGuinn, who told FanHouse that Cable attacked his client "out of the blue, totally without warning" during a defensive coaches' staff meeting, and that Hanson provided Napa police with X-rays clearly showing a fracture of Hanson's upper left jaw bone.

Shit Tom, you are in real trouble.  Well I mean, you are making an NFL head coaches salary, you can get a good lawyer to find a loophole.  What does the law say?


If charged and convicted of the felony charges under California Penal Code Section 245 (a)( 1), Cable, 44, could receive a maximum sentence of four years in a state prison, and a fine not exceeding $10,000, or both the fine and imprisonment.

Well hey Tom, at least you could still salvage your season, right?  Hmm, this week you play..the....Giants!

"Please throw me out.  I got a car running outside - it's my only chance" 

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OH. MY. GOD.

This LA Times video shows that John Madden has invented a football heaven.  
Previously in my life, just having Sunday ticket and a couple of televisions was such an experience.  This orbit of a man has taken it to next level.  Unless I'm mistaken it looks like there is a buffet with an omelet bar as well.
The middle school fat kid inside me just started sweating profusely.


 

JUST LIKE A WOMAN

Coach, you aren't making any more friends with comments like this. 

(the bald loser in the ESPN studios stops talking at :30 if you want to skip him and get to the 79 year old sexist talk.)

Will Brinson has some good commentary on Buster Sports

MICHAEL "I GOT CRABS"-TREE MIGHT ACTUALLY SIGN

As the November 17th deadline approaches, it seems as though Michael Crabtree is all of the sudden interested in playing for Mike Singletary and the 49ers. (via ESPN)

Crabtree left for San Francisco from Tampa, Fla., on Monday to renew contract talks with the 49ers, according to multiple sources.
Crabtree was unavailable for comment. The Dallas native and former Texas Tech receiver has been training in Tampa the past few weeks.
Eugene Parker, Crabtree's agent, is scheduled to arrive in San Francisco on Tuesday. Parker declined comment when reached.

Oh really Michael? Now you decide that this team might be a good idea?  Was it the fact that you realized that you might just be THE BEST in the division?

Was it the defense that shook the fantasy world this past weekend?  The Children of the Pod have been backing the 49ers and dogging your decision making (via Buster Sports) for the last three weeks.

Welcome back to reality Michael, I hope you've lost that attitude also, Vernon Davis will tell you that the locker room is a much better place when Singletary's pants are up.

CHILDREN OF THE POD NOSE PICKS: WEEK 4

Children of the Pod's resident NFL betting "experts" give you some of their picks for the week and explain why.  This betting advice has a tendency to be extremely vulgar and NSFW.  These men are by NO means professional handicappers so you can't say we didn't warn you...

Bengals (-5.5) at Browns

PAUL SAYS WHY: Can there be a worse game than this? I think I would rather watch a chinchilla orgy than this football game.   SAT question for you:
Would you rather
A.)   Watch Quinn ride the bench in an awful AFC North Game
B.)    Re-watch ESPN’s coverage of the 2007 draft and wait for Brady to almost cry in his three piece Armani suit. (Advice: In order for him to pay back Men’s Warehouse he had to hold out of his rookie contract).
C.)    Watch Quinn suck muscle milk with a straw out of Mangenius’ asshole
D.)   See Quinn perform as YMCA as one of the village people.

I chose C. Nice A.J. Mclean Backstreet Boy dick grab.  Brady Quinn you are a fag!


Bengals (-5.5) at Browns
BAKER SAYS WHY: This game SUCKS. What’s the difference between a Cincinnati Chili Dog and a Cleveland Steamer anyway?  Both involve shitting on a girl’s chest, but a Chili Dog requires a titty fuck afterwards. Who in their right mind wants their own poo on their dick? For that- I’m going with Cleveland.


Lions at Bears (-10)
PAUL SAYS WHY:  In this tough division you have to take advantage of playing the lions. It is kind of like hooking up with your sister’s friend when she spends the night for her 16^th birthday party. It is late at night and you think to yourself, “hey she’s right next door all I will have to do is pretend to watch Zac Efron in Seventeen again and wait for my sister to fall asleep than but my hand on her leg and see if she lets me feel her tits”. That’s the NFC North in a nut shell and the Lions are that young naive sister’s friend who wants you to be her first hand job. Just whip it out and cum on your parents couch.  I think 10 points is a lot and wouldn’t actually put money on this, but for the sake of a pool I will take the Bears.

Baker: And Cutler cheats - check the elbow man. 

Bills (-2) at Dolphins
PAUL SAYS WHY: If they lose this game they go 0-8. This game goes in two directions: Dolphins win a hard fought game at the end or the Bills blow them out, Chad Henne throws for three picks, Pat White dies, and Parcells is caught by CBS in the press box getting cocaine licked off his penis by a Cuban stripper.  Must win game for the Phins and the Bills have no left tackle. Watch Taylor and Porter have a field day getting after the QB.

Rams at 49ers (-9.5)
PAUL SAYS WHY: At 4:15 I might as well paint my girlfriends toes or go ask my neighbor if I can pick up pine cones from her yard. Fuck water boarding, at Guantanamo Bay they should make everyone first watch the Browns/Bengals game followed by the Rams/49ers and here is the kicker, you have to watch the complete FOX halftime show. I would shoot myself.

 Is there really a good football team west of the Mississippi (other than the Vikings)? The 49ers and Chargers are the best that side of the country has to offer. What a Super Bowl that would be. It will be the happiest moment in California since The Chili Peppers released Californication in 1999. The only worse Super Bowl in-state match up I can think of is Chiefs/Rams.
 If your favorite team is bad (mine is the Dolphins) don’t you just wish you could plant them in the NFC West or AFC West for the rest of this season so you would have some hope!!

Chargers at Steelers (-6.5)
MATHENY SAYS WHY: I can see the Chargers covering this one. It should be a close game all the way through, especially since Roethlisberger's rape case wasn't thrown away. Willie Parkers vagina toe is injured as well. Also, as much as I hate Philip Rivers he's been getting the job done. Gates pops his 2009 end zone cherry, but that won't matter as the Steelers win a close one in Hines Field.

 Packers at Vikings (-3.5)
MATHENY SAYS WHY: Brett Favre revenge game. This is the one moment that he has been waiting for since he retired*. The Packers front 7 hasn't been that impressive thus far, so I can see AD stealing the limelight from the old guy. However, we all agree it would be far more entertaining if we got to see Favre pop a couple vicodin, load up the ol' gun slinger, and rain down a fiery hellstorm on the Packers secondary.

AMERICA GOT..WELL...AMERICA'D

It all looked great on paper.  America had done everything possible to erase the images of the people that made this nation one of the most hated globally.  The star power behind the campaign was about as cool as they come.  The Obamas, Oprah, and of course: Scottie Pippen. 

The banners were hung in Chicago, thousands were gathered to watch the announcement, and then something happened.  Exactly what we thought we had guaranteed to us was stripped away.

Sounds kinda like kharma to me.

When they announced that Chicago received only 18 votes and was the first finalist eliminated, I'm sure that the many voters who did not vote for us were fist-bumping and whispering "Doesn't feel so good now? Does it?"

So What Now?

We will most likely do what America does, play the victim and rally the most superior athletes together in a "we'll show them" attitude.

And you know what else America does? Wins more medals than anyone.  Yeah, we'll do that too.

So here comes the Redeem the Self-Esteem Team.  Look out.

                                                         

THE REAL STORY BEHIND MCNABB

Very funny animation via Global Sports Fraternity
Explains what REALLY happened with Vick, Kolb, and Garcia.  Interesting take on Garcia, I've always compared him to my buddy Paul - hmmm.

CORNUCOPIA OF CONTENT

What I am, and you should be checking out around the net.  

 - MJ IS BUILDING A 7.6 MILLION DOLLAR HOME ON JUPITER

- GETTIN' BUSY IN JERRYWORLD

- WHAT SPORTS HERNIA THINKS ABOUT DESHAWN STEVENSON'S NEW TATTOO

-COTP LOVES THIS
- JETS PLAYERS AND COACHES REFERRING TO DIRTY SANCHEZ AS "SANCHIZE"

And of course you should be checking out anything/everything on BUSTER SPORTS including my BIG EAST PREVIEW

CAPTION CONTEST

Submit your best caption for this picture to childrenofthepod@gmail.com

NOT RELATED TO SPORTS

Black Keys Recording with Mos Def for their upcoming album "Blakroc" due out November 27th. 
Absolutely just pumping this because I am so excited about the album.  If you want to jump straight to the coolest stuff look to the 2:30 mark when Mos starts recording.

NBA SEASON 2009-2010

Yesterday was media day, and now 2-a-days start for most teams in preparation for the new season.  In honor of that...

(takes about 14 seconds to get going)

FROM THE LEGAL PAD WEEK 3

the "From The Legal Pad" series will be a somewhat organized collection of initial reactions. Warning: This is not meant for people with long attention spans.

Dirty Sanchez is the Real Deal

On Sunday Mark Sanchez became the first rookie quarterback to start and win his team's first three games of the season since 1969 when Greg Cook did it in Cincinnati.  Now Greg Cook suffered from a terrible series of career ending injuries, but that is neither here nor there.  Sanchez isn't doing anything extraordinary statistically, but he is bringing an enthusiasm and killer instinct to the position that has been absent in the Jets organization since Vinny and the Jets.  

Most importantly, the kid is rocking a smile, swagger and a KILLER 'stache.  Call me premature, but I'll throw out a "Broadway Joe, 2.0"



From Worst to First, From First to Worst

The Miami Dolphins played an unbelievable game against the Colts on Monday Night Football.  They kept the ball out of Peyton Manning's hands for nearly three-fourths of the game, ran their wildcat, and put themselves in a position to win.  Unfortunately, they were playing against Peyton Manning who has inexplicably returned from surgery better than he was before (take note, Tom Brady).  Things only got worse for Miami, who found out today they have lost Chad Pennington for the season.  Who is the back up?  Well for yesterday it was Chad Henne.  Good luck with all that Big Tuna - Pat White only has a learning curve as steep as Mt. Mitchell.  

UPDATE - More research has brought to my attention that Chad Henne is the man the Dolphins picked after PASSING on Matt Ryan.  Nice. 


Give Greg Lewis Credit

I am so sick of having to chomp down on the Favre Dollar Footlong every week.(thanks GP)  The guy's publicist has figured out a way to work up a story in, on, or about the 39 year old quarterback pretty much twice a week.  Well his 40th is a couple weeks away and now we get this "gem."  

Now I HATE Favre, but more than that I hate that Greg Lewis hasn't gotten enough credit for this catch.  The 29 year old receiver walked on to his college team, made the Eagles after going undrafted, and has busted his ass for everything his whole career.  Lewis turned another reckless Favre laser into one of the highlights of the year.  





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HAVA NAGILA

The Lions did it! Jim Schwartz delivered the first Detroit Lions victory since December 2007.  He was able to get it done on Yom Kippur as well.  If you ask me, sounds like some good ole fashioned Hebrew mysticism.
For those of you who believe in "thetans," maybe the Lions got some good vibes from your demi-god who was in attendance on Sunday.

Alright Tom, I haven't been alive for any of your good movies.  Less jokes, more autograph, I got a flea market to catch after the game.  

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SO I TRIED TO WATCH BROTHERS...

...and my DVR broke.  I was watching it with the hope of being able to write some funny review making fun of Strahan and his desperation.  It's not funny, it's not entertaining, it is not even worth mocking.  The (only) part that made me chuckle is Carl Weathers playing Michael's horn-dog dad.  So here is some classic Apollo Creed for you.


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CHILDREN OF THE POD NOSE PICKS: WEEK 3

Children of the Pod's resident NFL betting "experts" give you some of their picks for the week and explain why.  They are by NO means professional handicappers so you can't say we didn't warn you...

Bears (-2) at Seahawks
PAUL SAYS WHY: Take Hassel"I-broke-my"back away from this team they have no chance. Watching this offense with out him is like seeing your Grandfather slam a Viagra pill with his gin and tonic and than accidently getting a boner while he is cutting the turkey before Thanksgiving. Just f*cking awkward man. Why haven’t they gotten a legitimate back up quarterback?

49ers at Vikes (-7)
CHIP SAYS WHY:  Do you guys remember when Mike Singletary dropped his pants at halftime of the Seahawks game last season? It was his first game as a head coach, and he wasn't even full time yet!  The man who looked as though he was going to be a running joke for bloggers everywhere has created a winning mentality once again in San Fransisco.  It's a team based on toughness, looks like he really has shown them how to grow some balls.  (see what I did there?)

Steelers (-4) at Bengals
PAUL SAYS WHY: Bottom line the Steelers aren't losing to the "Who Deys."  Oh and did you see Hard Knocks? If you are too poor to afford the Sunday Package or HBO let me enlighten you, yes the Bengals are bad. So they beat Green Bay - big f'in big deal. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut.


Giants (-6.5) at Bucs
CHIP SAYS WHY: The Bucs D looks bad.  Real bad.  They have talent out there, but something isn't working.  Raheem The Dream has figured out a way to have Byron Leftwich be a fairly productive quarterback, but the defense keeps giving up 30+ points per game.  The Giants offense looks great right now with Eli and the Mannings - easy TD win for the G-Men.

Dolphins at Chargers (-6)
PAUL SAYS WHY:  I will bet against Norv Turner every time. I don’t care what the circumstances are. The guy just finds a way to lose time and time again. If Norv Turner was going against two quadriplegics in the Special Olympic high jump I would put my life savings that Norvy would win the bronze. He has to be the most over rated coach in the National Football League. I wouldn’t trust this guy to wipe Chip’s ass, and Chip doesn’t wipe his ass.

Colts at Cardinals (-2.5)

CHIP SAYS WHY: My pick of last week was absolutely washed down the tube when Kurt Warner decided he was going to beat me up and take all of my lunch money.  Seriously, the same guy who was riding around training camp on a segway decided to check out of the nursing home and come play football.  Colts played their asses off on in the heat of Miami on Monday, then travel to Arizona.  Love the Cards at home.

Panthers at Cowboys (-8.5)

PAUL SAYS WHY: How does Tony Romo get laid? He is that douche bag you see at the bar with the hot girl, and you can’t help but think there has to be something wrong with her. There is a reason he went Eastern Illinois. There is a reason he did not get drafted, and there is a reason he almost got cut until Quincy Jones was caught smoking a splif.

 This guy is not good and he never will be good. I don’t get the hype. Right now I don’t know who I would take Campbell or Romo. Somehow Tony Romo has charmed America. His smile and goofiness glamoured us all into forgetting that botched hold in the playoffs. Surprised Norv Turner didn’t draft him. 

Image Credit: The Sports Hernia

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IVAN DRAGO BUYS THE NETS, WILL FINANCE NEW BROOKLYN HOME

The news was broken this morning/afternoon and now it is really starting to sink in.  Here are some observations from around the web.


The NBA.com Bloggers are obviously racist and against the sale (check the first line - the Nyets? Seriously?)
Ball Don't Lie shows us that Congressmen in New Jersey are racist, bad with names, and against the sale.
The Baseline has been called out multiple times for expressing Red Scare paranoia that rivals Red Dawn


What about some good old-fashioned Rocky IV parallels?

"If he dies...he dies"

Seriously though, Mikhail Prokporov, the richest man in Russia, is coming overseas to try and take control of one of the more storied franchises in NBA/ABA history.  

He is trying to become the master in a sport currently dominated by Americans (just like Drago), much of his success came from advanced technology (just like Drago), and he used this success to try and advance himself in said American sport (well, Drago used performance enhancers - but you get the idea).  

Is Drago coming to New Jersey/Brooklyn with plans of world domination?  No way.  Is it all about the Benjamins?  This dude wipes his ass with 5000 Ruble notes. Where he does stray from the Drago comparison is the way he conducts himself socially. (via WDCW)

Prokhorov, who is 6-foot-6 and was an avid basketball player in his school days, is a fixture in glitzy European resorts and once was held in France for four days of questioning — but never charged — in a prostitution investigation. Even in Russia, he raises eyebrows for his penchant for private jets and a gorgeous entourage.


Well there you go Mikhail, or can I call you Mickey?  Welcome to the NBA, sounds like you will be right at home.

NO MORE FRICTION, NO MORE RESTRICTION

Raymond Felton and Nate Robinson, two of the Eastern Conference's B to B+ Point Guards signed one year deals last night/today.

(Via The Baseline)

Felton will simply sign the one-year, $5.5 million qualifying offer put forth by the Bobcats.

Bradbury [his agent] would not say just how far apart the two sides were on a deal, but it is believed that the team’s offer was in the range of the deal Marvin Williams got from the Hawks—a five-year deal worth $37.5 million, plus added money with incentives.

(Via Alan Hahn)
Nate Robinson will be signed to a one-year contract today and, according to a person with knowledge of the situation, Robinson, who was a restricted free agent who earlier this summer told the Knicks he had no interest in playing anywhere else, will get more than his $2.9M qualifying offer. There are also performance bonuses included in the deal.


Both of these players are personal favorites of mine, but the harsh reality is they fall under that category of "Likeable College Players Who Never Really Make The Leap."  Both players have the potential to be game changers at any time, but yet somehow over time have failed to really step forward as a team leader for an entire season.


These one year deals seem like band aids for both organizations - you keep your player for another year and see how he pans out.  Even if they do out-perform their value, they face the dreaded 2010 free agency pool where they fall far lower on teams' priority list than they do now.

BUSTER SPORTS

Check out Children of the Pod doing some scribbling for Buster Sports

TICK TOCK - HOOPS ARE COMING

September is about to wind down and then October hits.  The weather gets crisp, the football games get cold and the countdown to season Tip Off begins.  Here is a retro clip courtesy of Ball Don't Lie that started to remind me why I love the NBA.

FROM THE LEGAL PAD WEEK 002

the "From The Legal Pad" series will be a somewhat organized collection of initial reactions. Warning: This is not meant for people with long attention spans.

Jerryworld
Jerry Jones has always claimed the hole in the roof is so that God can watch down on the Cowboys.  I will argue that God was not paying attention last night - and it is not because of the unfortunate performance on the field.  I think that if God looked down and realized that he had Jerry Jones, John Madden, and George W. Bush in the same building - he might have taken some swift immediate action to correct some prior mistakes.

Frank Caliendo probably crapped his size 48 pants with joy when he saw this on television and immediately googled himself 4.8 billion times.  All of my attempts to grab a video or image of the two of them together just lead to images of his unfunny ass sweating and putting me seconds closer to dropping a toaster in the bathtub.  So you are stuck with this for now.



Drew Brees Is Playing Madden
Drew Brees picked up right where he left off at the end of last season - only now he appears to be even better. With a healthy O-Line, Brees is able to sit back and deliver the ball with the precision and accuracy of playing on "Rookie" level.  Hell, it even seems like his receivers were those computer-generated fake names that you get in Dynasty mode in future seasons.  Whatever is going on, Scarface is an early candidate for MVP and it would not surprise me if he refers to Devery Henderson and Lance Moore as "Y" and "B" in the huddle.



Ray Lewis and the News - Greatest Hits
I warned you that this was "somewhat organized"


and more...

Charlie Weis Thoughts From the Cutting Room Floor

Had some jokes that I was trying to turn into a post for Buster Sports today.  When Will Brinson published his Kiffin-Palin Tale of the Tape piece we received so much traffic that uploading became improbable.  Check out the Will's piece - it's great.  Unfortunately I am going to use the Children of the Pod to dump these half-developed jokes.  I'm sorry if you feel like the chick who got asked to Prom after my first girl said "No." Chances are, we'll probably still hook up anyway.

After the heart-wrenching loss to Michigan in the Big House. Charlie Weis is constantly finding himself under the microscope. Under the Microscope?  You obviously mean a hubble telescope.

Charlie Weis is starting to really feel the hot seat in South Bend. The good news for the next guy is the hot seat will be left niiiiiiiice and warm.

Notre Dame has dropped 6 straight home games to the Spartans – the worst home losing streak in Notre Dame Stadium history. ESPN’S Kirk Herbstreit called this one of the most Pressure Packed Games of Weis’ career… I don’t know whats more pressure packed, the game in south bend on Saturday or the area around Weis’ cock.

Matt Barkley Isn't Listening to Bill Withers

Sources are reporting that Matt Barkley will in fact be sitting out with an injured shoulder on Saturday for the Trojans matchup against the Washington Huskies. 

USC coach Pete Carroll said Thursday that Barkley is improving every day, and Carroll wants to give him as much time as possible to heal before ruling him out against Washington.  

A personal source of COTP reports that the treatment that Barkley is receiving is starting to cause a disctraction within the locker room.  I would also be disgruntled if I found out the hot-shot Newport Beach 19 year old was getting the Matt Leinart Rehab Treatment that the former USC signal caller enjoyed in 2008.

Peterson Still Ain't No Peyton

Adrian Peterson is quickly appearing more and more in NFL marketing campaigns and is arguably one of the "faces" of the NFL. And why not? Peterson, 24, has averaged over 100 yds/game every time he sets foot on an NFL field. His trophy case already holds a Pro Bowl MVP, Offensive ROY, and the NFL single game rushing record.

Most importantly, Peterson lacks much of the off-field drama that seems to shadow stars in the NFL. His most recent Nike commercial (below) is a huge hit and his MNF promo's seem to rival his Sportscenter spots from last year.


That all being said, he still has a long way to go before he reaches the marketability of Peyton Manning.  Peyton also had his ESPN's and NFL Network ads, but he also held down SOLID campaigns with Sprint, Mastercard, and DirectTV.  Peyton was so marketable at one point he had transcended the NFL and become a pop culture icon.

Part of being an athlete on "Pop Culture Status" means you host SNL, and that's where his best work took place...

EARGASM OF THE WEEK 2

Seriously. Give It a Listen... even if you don't like hip hop just start at the 1:00 mark.

A Few Days Late - But Best Image Yet

Santonio Holmes repping the Soon-To-Be-Starter in Philly.

"FROM THE LEGAL PAD" - WEEK 1. PART 001

the "From The Legal Pad" series will be a somewhat organized collection of initial reactions. Warning: This is not meant for people with long attention spans.


1. Pleasantly Surprised and Surprisingly Pleased with the competition level.  6 games decided by 6 points or less on Sunday/Thursday really brought some interesting spice into the day.  While some of the close games could have been expected (Bears-Packers), others seemed to be a bit more surprising (49ers-Cardinals).

2. COTP Endorsements Showed Up - I must say it is pretty rewarding to see my boy Flacco and the NFC North both showing up on Sunday.  Even the Lions were able to make things appear interesting.  Although he never found the end zone, Ochocinco Loco still had 89 yards on 5 catches and they would be singing a different tune in Cincinnati if it weren't for the backyard game of "500" that led to a Broncos victory.


Seriously, I think I saw that happen playing pickup football at Lacy Elementary


3. Who the HELL is Adam Schefter? - Okay this guy actually has a pretty impressive story, but still appears to be 75% as douche-y as I thought.  He graduated from Northwestern School of Journalism (tags: snob, douche), covered the Broncos for the Denver Post for 15 years where he "began a relationship with many Broncos athletes and coaches" (tags: reach-arounds, tummysticks) and began a reputation for always getting accurately inside players insider information.

In all seriousness, Schefter does even squeeze a little respect out of this snarky rant because of a survey done by USA Today in January 2009.  According to the survey (and Wikipedia) Adam Schefter edged ESPN's Chris Mortensen for best NFL Insider.  This occurred even though Schefter's information (on NFL Network) reaches less than half of the households that the Worldwide Eater devours.  After taking down the big dog in his own game, ESPN gobbled him up (suprise, suprise) and now Mort and Schef do insider gigs together.  Fireworks might fly between these two folks, and the COTP are anxiously awaiting with baited breath.

 

I wouldn't let him hold MY kid like this - but I still kinda respect him for now.

Show the Love, Bring the HATE, COTP wants to hear from you. childrenofthepod@gmail.com