Bengals (-5.5) at Browns
PAUL SAYS WHY: Can there be a worse game than this? I think I would rather watch a chinchilla orgy than this football game. SAT question for you: Would you rather
A.) Watch Quinn ride the bench in an awful AFC North Game
B.) Re-watch ESPN’s coverage of the 2007 draft and wait for Brady to almost cry in his three piece Armani suit. (Advice: In order for him to pay back Men’s Warehouse he had to hold out of his rookie contract).
C.) Watch Quinn suck muscle milk with a straw out of Mangenius’ asshole
D.) See Quinn perform as YMCA as one of the village people.
I chose C. Nice A.J. Mclean Backstreet Boy dick grab. Brady Quinn you are a fag!
Bengals (-5.5) at Browns
BAKER SAYS WHY: This game SUCKS. What’s the difference between a Cincinnati Chili Dog and a Cleveland Steamer anyway? Both involve shitting on a girl’s chest, but a Chili Dog requires a titty fuck afterwards. Who in their right mind wants their own poo on their dick? For that- I’m going with Cleveland.
Lions at Bears (-10)
PAUL SAYS WHY: In this tough division you have to take advantage of playing the lions. It is kind of like hooking up with your sister’s friend when she spends the night for her 16th birthday party. It is late at night and you think to yourself, “hey she’s right next door all I will have to do is pretend to watch Zac Efron in Seventeen again and wait for my sister to fall asleep than but my hand on her leg and see if she lets me feel her tits”. That’s the NFC North in a nut shell and the Lions are that young naive sister’s friend who wants you to be her first hand job. Just whip it out and cum on your parents couch. I think 10 points is a lot and wouldn’t actually put money on this, but for the sake of a pool I will take the Bears.
Baker: And Cutler cheats - check the elbow man.
Bills (-2) at Dolphins
PAUL SAYS WHY: If they lose this game they go 0-8. This game goes in two directions: Dolphins win a hard fought game at the end or the Bills blow them out, Chad Henne throws for three picks, Pat White dies, and Parcells is caught by CBS in the press box getting cocaine licked off his penis by a Cuban stripper. Must win game for the Phins and the Bills have no left tackle. Watch Taylor and Porter have a field day getting after the QB.
Rams at 49ers (-9.5)
PAUL SAYS WHY: At 4:15 I might as well paint my girlfriends toes or go ask my neighbor if I can pick up pine cones from her yard. Fuck water boarding, at Guantanamo Bay they should make everyone first watch the Browns/Bengals game followed by the Rams/49ers and here is the kicker, you have to watch the complete FOX halftime show. I would shoot myself.
Is there really a good football team west of the Mississippi (other than the Vikings)? The 49ers and Chargers are the best that side of the country has to offer. What a Super Bowl that would be. It will be the happiest moment in California since The Chili Peppers released Californication in 1999. The only worse Super Bowl in-state match up I can think of is Chiefs/Rams.
If your favorite team is bad (mine is the Dolphins) don’t you just wish you could plant them in the NFC West or AFC West for the rest of this season so you would have some hope!!
Chargers at Steelers (-6.5)
MATHENY SAYS WHY: I can see the Chargers covering this one. It should be a close game all the way through, especially since Roethlisberger's rape case wasn't thrown away. Willie Parkers
Packers at Vikings (-3.5)
MATHENY SAYS WHY: Brett Favre revenge game. This is the one moment that he has been waiting for since he retired*. The Packers front 7 hasn't been that impressive thus far, so I can see AD stealing the limelight from the old guy. However, we all agree it would be far more entertaining if we got to see Favre pop a couple vicodin, load up the ol' gun slinger, and rain down a fiery hellstorm on the Packers secondary.
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